When we first got the idea for this blog, the light-bulb-over-our-heads was inspired by a video we’d seen on the Internet. The video was narrated by the player recording it, and from his voice, we judged said player to be eight years old. But in fairness (and in fear of Nintendo lawyers) let’s say he was 10 years old, which is the recommended minimum age for BOTW.
BOTW’s ESRB[1] rating was awarded because of fantasy violence, mildly suggestive dialogue and themes, and references to alcohol. Anyone who has had those abundant Great Fairy bosoms waggled in their face will wonder what about those could be deemed only mildly suggestive, and the dialogue at the fountains is almost always blush-worthy. What’s more, what happens to poor Link during the fourth armor upgrade? We shudder to think!
Next up for discussion: references to alcohol. Those are certainly found in abundance in the Gerudo town canteen. Indeed, there are a few Gerudo NPCs who seem, shall we say, a mite tippled? Pokki, featured on our cocktail recipes page, is one of our favorites. (Then there’s Deltan, the poor woman slumped over the canteen counter, clearly in her cups, bemoaning voe – aka men – and who can blame her?) Link can’t be served in the canteen, true. But no one thinks twice about asking him to be an accessory to the fact of making a Noble Pursuit!
Ahem. Now, what was the third piece of the ESRB rating? Oh, yes, fantasy violence.
We know it’s a game. We know we’re not really running around Hyrule with a bow and arrow. And yet… and yet…there’s something about that horrible soundtrack when a Guardian targets Link that makes us want to drop the controller. Or run. Or hide. Or all of those.
That said … is a Guardian the worst of the lot? Nope! Is it Calamity Jane Ganon[2], then? Nope again, although we recognize that we took on Ganon only after the divine beasts had lowered his health rating by half; and we brought fully upgraded Ancient Armor, maxed out hearts and stamina, various meals for all that we expected to ail us, and an arsenal of ancient weapons to the fight. So, we’ll acknowledge that Ganon was at a disadvantage against Itzal.
But. If a Guardian isn’t the worst enemy Link faces, nor Ganon, who is? Here Demelza would like to put in a vote for annoying Octoroks, but she is outvoted by Itzal. Itzal casts his vote, which apparently is in this case the deciding rather than the tie vote, for Lynels (cough, cough, mansplain, cough).
So, back to that video we mentioned.
In this video, the eight—er, the ten-year-old – offers his advice on how to defeat a Lynel “without really trying,” as he put it. And it was superb, we’ll give him that. He never dropped his controller, although he did drop a weapon once, and very calmly picked it up. The Lynel was on his knees, head bowed, disappearing into dark smoke, and littering the ground with goodies, after a sum total of about 12 seconds.
It takes us just a little longer.
Now, we can (try to) offer sage advice regarding battle with a Lynel; but it’s a classic case of do as we say, not as we, in fact, ourselves do.
Zelder Tip #1: Don’t blunder about in Lynel territory, giving him a chance to see and, most likely, annihilate Link before you can gather your weapons and your wits. Instead, don upgraded armor, creep around stealthily, consume an Attack Up meal or elixir, arm yourself with a distance bow, use Stasis + to stop him momentarily, and shoot the Lynel in the face. Then, when the Stasis wears off and the arrow stuns him, mount the Lynel and slash away with an excellent weapon.
That’s really how to defeat a Lynel without really trying. We’ve never personally experienced it, however.
Zelder Tip #2: You might be tempted to use a devastating Ancient Arrow. We certainly were; Itzal really, really dislikes Lynels, you see. But if you use an Ancient Arrow, more than the Lynel will disappear in black smoke; so, too, will all the lovely Lynel droppings you could otherwise collect. So don’t use an Ancient Arrow unless you’re late, late, for a very important date, and don’t have time to fuss.
Zelder Tip #3: There’s something to be said for using elemental arrows against Lynels. Pay attention to which arrows THEY are using, or how many flames they’re blowing out of their disgusting little mouths, and respond accordingly. Wear your Rubber armor if the Lynel has a lot of electric arrows involved, or else you’ll drop everything and NOT be able to calmly pick it up again.
And now, to the most important piece of this blog: how to defeat a Lynel without really dying. That is, you might be close to expiring, but you can come back from the dead. (We’ll be posting our own 12-second video someday soon, we’re sure.)
We’re talking about a Corpse Reviver. For you; not for Link.
After Itzal recovered from high umbrage at the cocktail pairing for this post, bristling at the suggestion that he would surely die attempting to defeat a Lynel and need to revived, but then he got the joke, Demelza did extensive research into Corpse Reviver cocktails, which are, interestingly, numbered. The most well known (drunk) is the Corpse Reviver #2. Although there are ingredient variations, the modern-day core list is gin, orange liqueur, lemon juice, Lillet Blanc, and absinthe. Some recipes call for specific types of gin; some specify Cointreau; and some substitute Cocchi Americano for the Lillet Blanc. But with very, very few exceptions (Pernod makes an appearance in the Savoy Cocktail Book), absinthe is the sine qua non of Corpse Reviver #2.
We wish it weren’t so. Demelza cannot abide the taste of anise or similar flavors; indeed, she hasn’t eaten black licorice since circa 1968, when she first tried it. Thus, she searched diligently for a recipe that didn’t contain absinthe. Unfortunately, she looked in vain. And even Itzal, who – let’s face it – drinks practically anything, is no fan of absinthe.
Hence, we pivot to a lesser-known Corpse Reviver, oddly numbered One. The Corpse Reviver #1 calls for cognac, apple brandy, and sweet vermouth, with nary an absinthe to be found.
We declared it tasty and corpse-reviving both, and we encourage its consumption after your battle with a Lynel leaves a red splotch of X on the adventure map. (Cue video of Itzal in umbrage, or at least one in which he barely manages to kill the beast…)
[1] To save the Ignorant Reader (hello, Itzal) from Googling, ESRB stands for Entertainment Software Rating Board, a wonky group of do-gooders which assigns age and content ratings to video games.
[2] Don’t you just hope that’s what the kids on the playground called this jerk?