Ever the MacArthur figure, Link returns to Hyrule after faffing about Great Sky Island and receiving yet more vague instructions from Princess Zelda[1] and the obligatory new tools[2] to use in carrying out his orders. “Link, you must find me,” Zelda orders (as per usual) and – bam – you’re on the quest called unimaginatively “To the Kingdom of Hyrule.”
Link being Link, he does not return in glory with a fleet of battleships and host of soldiers. Rather, he falls from the sky nearly naked. If he’s lucky enough on the first fall, he remembers to land in a large body of water. If not, well, reload.
Demelza, in contrast and of course, set about returning to Hyrule with a plan, a secondary checklist, and a cocktail. Itzal, playing with his six-year-old grandson at the time, fell to Hyrule asking, “Where the heck[3] are we? I don’t remember any of this.” (The grandson replied, “Hurry up and find some of those Bokoblin things so I can do all the fighting, and you just gather food.” An inauspicious arrival for Itzal, to be sure.)
As good a place as any to land, we offer, is Tajikats[4] shrine, next to the Riverside Stable. Well, you’ll actually land in the Hylia River (see “lucky” above), which is basically right below the Great Sky Island and its Temple of Time.
Itzal (being Itzal and being a grandfather) began at once to faff about Hyrule looking for food, fights, and fun. Itzal does enjoy a good faff-about. This appeased the grandson.
Zelder Tip #1 –Do not appease your grandchildren. This is generally good advice writ large, but in the case of returning to Hyrule, GET YOURSELF TO LOOKOUT LANDING AND TALK TO PURAH AS FAST AS YOU CAN. You’ve only got three hearts, and you don’t have the paraglider, so faffing about the area – and especially the (stupid) combat training shrines (more to come on that soon, by Jove[5]) – is a waste of time. Get to Lookout Landing, do what everyone’s telling you, and talk to Purah.
Once you have the paraglider – yes, we know, Purah is awfully pushy and so was everyone who told you to find her – then you can explore Lookout Landing and its immediate surroundings. (Itzal insists on calling this place “Lockdown Town,” as he has PTSD from the pandemic times, but it’s quite a nice place.) Of import here in the Landing: You can cook your meals and sleep for free (thus rejuvenating your paltry hearts) in the Emergency Shelter. You can also exchange Lights of Blessing for hearts and stamina at the Goddess statue in said shelter. You likely won’t see another statue for a while!
Zelder Tip #2 – Complete the Crisis at Hyrule Castle quest as fast as possible and GET THE PARAGLIDER, lest you forget you don’t have one because you spent the last few weeks playing BOTW. Even a minor jump at this point will cause Link to break a leg or die outright. When you’re done with the castle, Purah forks over the paraglider so you can start opening towers.
Zelder Tip #3 – And speaking of stamina wheels, we found it best to get Link up to about five hearts first with blessings of light exchanges – it’s just too easy to die with only three. Otherwise, you’ll be gathering and crunching on apples all day. Afterward, you can focus on stamina wheels. You no longer have Revali’s Gale, and you don’t even have flight assist from a little bird you’ll meet soon, so if you’re going to go exploring (and you are), you need stamina.
Zelder Tip #4: If you die when shooting from a Skyview Tower the first time – the paraglider doesn’t save you from all fall damage – your map will not be open; you must do it again and land safely, at least once, for the map to stay open.
After you’ve explored Lookout Landing, remember to report back to Purah, or Robbie will not leave for the Depths, which is another subject entirely but it will not be a subject at all if you do not report in to Purah. Do not start faffing, as Itzal is prone, before your report. Once done (correctly), Purah will then explain about “major regional phenomena” and suggest you visit Hebra’s phenom first. After hearing her out, you may faff at your leisure.
With the first quests of crisis in Hyrule behind you, and paraglider safely on board, you can begin combat shrine training, take off on the Regional Phenomena quest, or – if you are like Itzal – wile away the hours activating sky towers[6] and opening the map. And gathering lots of apples due to that low number of hearts Link has at this point. In fact, you might celebrate by returning to an old favorite cocktail of ours, the Appletini.
But not if your grandchildren are playing along, by gum. Then it’s apple juice all ’round.
[1] Not to be overly judgmental, but has anyone else noticed that Zelda seems to be the cause of all Hyrule’s problems? Messing around with Guardians in BOTW, exploring her father’s basement and awakening the Demon King in TOTK, generally leaving Link in the lurch each time she gets in trouble…
[2] We miss the runes from BOTW (particularly the Bombs), but Ascend, Fuse, Rewind, and Grabby Hands (whatever) are pretty good runners-up.
[3] Itzal’s language is less moderate when playing solo or with Demelza.
[4] The name of this shrine, it must be noted, evinces memories of the musical “Cats” as much as it does the independent state of Tajikistan which Zelders will remember as, umm, another part of the former Soviet Union.
[5] See footnote 3.
[6] Hey, that rhymes! Since we’re quoting musicals, cue soundtrack of “Wizard of Oz” and sing along to “If I Only Had a Brain” earworm for three days.