The Codgers’ Quarrel

Fear not, Gentle Reader.  For all that we may well be codgers, Itzal and Demelza have not quarreled and called an end to our blog.  Rather, the title of this entry relates to a side quest in Tears of the Kingdom, one we recommend for its relative ease AND the end result (better shopping!).

But first, an explanation.

We cannot admit to being overly fond of the sheer number of the side quests[1] routinely proffered by the designers of Zelda games.  (Main quests and shrine quests are quite enough, thank you!)  Indeed, this space is filled with our whining and whinging over the chores regularly assigned to poor Link.  We often run the other direction when an NPC appears with a red dot and urgent little exclamation point over its head, knowing we’re about to be distracted from keeping our eye on the prize (whatever that prize might be).  Itzal, in particular, hates these chores and side quests.  Demelza, it must be admitted, is a much harder worker.

Thus, in our second playthroughs of Tears of the Kingdom, we’ve left a lot of side quests un-quested.  Sure, we might open them – actually talk to the characters with those bloody red dots – but more often than not we leave them fallow.

One such long-suffering in its not being noticed quest involved two Codgers in Kakariko Village.  (We’ve largely ignored Kakariko entirely this playthrough, if we’re being honest.)  But ultimately, the name of this quest alone offered some real attraction to these two old codgers, so we gave it a look-see.

Trissa at the general store is whining (get in line, Trissa!) about the dearth of items for sale, explaining that two old codgers, Steen and Olkin, have set to arguing over how to defeat monsters rather than doing their jobs of stocking the general store.  Steen and Olkin, the Statler and Waldorf[2] of Kakariko, are to be found near one of the Rings that’s recently – well, not so very recently in our case, since we avoided this quest for a long time – fallen from the sky.  Link, of course, must help – that is, do all the work – to rid the area of monsters.

The quest was simple, particularly because Link had a lot of hearts and stamina by the time we met the codgers in question.  Off we went.

Steen and Olkin are not in trouble, or in a cage, which seems to go with the whole monster motif.  They’re just quarreling, standing around, arguing about who does all the work in the right way.  Reminds us of a couple old players we know.  To wit:  “You should fuse something to that broadsword!”  “I’m rather run away!” “Gather those mushrooms, please!”  “Eye on the prize, dammit!”

Indeed, if Steen and Olkin had been holding a cocktail, we’d have felt so “seen” and humbled.  (They were not.)  We’d have liked it more if they argued more vociferously or at least humorously, but such was not to be. But done is done, and this quest was soon behind even us.

Zelder Tip #1 – if you’ve secured Princess Rito and her electroshock therapy sage power, it works wonders on the monsters and leaves you above the fray on the Ring walls.

Zelder Tip #2 – this is a prime opportunity to use a fused rocket shield[3] to gain elevation to those Ring walls, and even to reach the Ring if your Link avatar is feeling tired and lazy about the hike.

When you’re done, return to the Kakariko general store and buy something besides the one (1) egg that poor Trissa has been hawking since the game began.  Then enjoy a cool refreshing old person’s drink, the Dubonnet and Gin, rumored to have been a favorite of the late Queen Elizabeth II, a codger if ever there was one.

[1] Not to be confused with “side adventures” which are a more-dressed-up sort of chore for Link, who’s kept as busy as the proverbial one-armed wallpaper hanger, we swear!

[2] This is a Muppet Show reference for any younger gentle readers. If you don’t know who the Muppets are, you’re reading the wrong blog.

[3] Itzal wishes to note that he is only a recent convert to the fused rocket shield, and indeed fusing in general, while Demelza (who apparently owns stock in Fuse, Inc.) is always fusing this and that while codger- quarreling with Itzal about how he needs to fuse a lot more things to a lot more things. Ahem, you can guess which codger is which in our not-so-imaginary quarrel above.

To Train or Not to Train

In Breath of the Wild, one learned certain rune skills on the Great Plateau before one ever left – well, the Great Plateau.  And this was fine and good.  

Then there was the Ta’Loh Naeg Shrine near Kakariko Village, in which one was to learn such useful tactics as sidehops and backflips, parrying, flurry rushes, and charged attacks.  This was less fine and not very good at all.  Finally we did succeed by mashing buttons and racing about – in the same manner in which, given eternity, a monkey with a typewriter will eventually type the collected works of Shakespeare.  

Upon leaving the shrine, we promptly forgot everything we allegedly learned there. 

There are more combat training shrines in Tears of the Kingdom.  A lot more, or so it feels to us.  And in them, we once again feel like that monkey with a typewriter, tasked with creating Macbeth, then Hamlet, then – you get the idea.  It’s a Midsummer’s Nightmare.

We’ve previously discussed the four training shrines on Sky Island, where, similar to BOTW’s Great Plateau, one learns the basic tools of the TOTK game.  This whine – er, this post – is about the combat training shrines.

Combat training: throwing weapons

Now, not all of the training shrines are horrible.  There’s Teniten, in which one gets to throw one’s weapon at a training construct.  As we often throw our weapons accidentally (ahem), we caught on to this tactic right quick.   In a related throwing shrine, Yamiyo, we happily threw fire fruit instead of our weapons.

We didn’t do badly at archery, either – Makurukus shrine was a piece of the proverbial cake.  Z-Target, shoot the construct in the eye, do it again with another couple of constructs.  We practically felt embarrassed to take the light of blessing – although to be sure, we did take it.  (Itzal did not feel embarrassed; Demelza is employing the royal “we” to be nice.)

Taunihy Shrine

In contrast, just getting to another archery shrine, Taunihy, deserved a light of blessing on its own. The journey, which takes place in the skies over Hyrule, began to feel like the definition of insanity.  We are not fans of plummeting through rings of light!  Once there, however, the training was a simple matter of jumping into plumes of air and shooting the hapless constructs below.  

And then there’s the shrine in which we learned the Sneakstrike.  Sneakstrike is not, it should be noted, a skill that we employ often, as we are more prone to blundering into enemy camps and alerting the bugle-playing Bokoblin guard.  And yet, how difficult could it be, we asked ourselves?  And certainly the first part of the Sinatanika shrine easy enough.  All we had to do was crouch.  

Boy howdy, do we know how to crouch.  Granted, most of the time Demelza crouches when she means to do something else, like activate a rune or a skill; and in most of those instances, she’s in front of a Lynel or Moblin, when crouching is neither called for nor advisable.  But hey!  We know how to crouch.  We’ll take the advantage.

Except.  In the second part of the shrine, one has to sneak up behind a patrolling construct.  Sneaking is not our strong suit.  It’s not even our second-best suit.  Shoot, this suit is at the very least at the cleaner’s, and more likely it’s destined for a rummage bin. And yet, we prevailed, and earned our sneaking stripes.

(Demelza finds it interesting that when she searched the interwebs for the correct spelling of the shrine for purposes of writing this post – who comes up with these names? –  said search pulled up a Reddit string in which players were bemoaning the Sinatanika shrine as the most difficult of the combat shrines, the most difficult in TOTK, and maybe the most difficult of all shrines EVER, including Rohta Chiga and Mirro Shaz.  Hm, maybe we’re missing something here…but although it did take us a time or two, Sinatanika IS NO ROHTA CHIGA.)  (Itzal demurs.)

In TOTK, players encounter Kyonisis Shrine just south of Hyrule Castle. In Kyonisis, one is supposed to learn perfect dodge and perfect guard.  For us, this shrine was the awful equivalent of the long-ago Ta’Loh Naeg. We do not, as a matter of course, use perfect dodge or perfect guard or perfect parry or anything of that ilk.  We are decidedly imperfect.

The instructions for perfect dodge, for example, required locking on to the construct with Z-target, then strafing – which in our minds is something a low-flying plane does – holding left or right on the left stick, pressing – um, something – and then going in for a flurry rush.  Sure.  Uh-huh.  We might have been flustered but we were surely not flurrying. Nonetheless, eventually this particular monkey managed to type “to be or not to be,” about the time we’d figure that our perfect dodge was never to be. 

Then there was the backflip, in which we were directed to target the enemy, backpedal, then jump.  Now, backpedaling we understand!  We do it regularly! IRL as well as in gaming! Um, but not, apparently, backpedaling n the matter in which one needs to do in order to backflip in TOTK. And have we mentioned that these instructions direct one to do everything in a particular order and sometimes simultaneously and omg, it is all too much for a Zelder!   Yet another Shakespearean phrase came to mind: “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow,” which was how long we thought we’d be in the thrice-damned shrine. 

We approached the Eshos Shrine, in which one receives training in shield use, with trepidation.  Our parrying skills are not, shall we say, worthy of being called either parry or skills. And sure enough, we died to the construct with balls of electricity AND USED UP BOTH THE FAIRIES WE’D EARNED IN THE LONG SLOG TO TAUNIHY SHRINE.  (One wonders if, somewhere in Hyrule, there is an anger management training shrine…)

In each of these combat training shrines, the training construct, who advises that our other attacks are useless here, (ha ha, they’re mostly useless everywhere) might as well have parroted another Shakespearean phrase: Cruel to be kind.  (No, Zelders of a certain age, it’s origin is not that song. The phrase is a wee bit older, like us.)  Tough love, avowed the construct.  In other words, we were to learn these skills or die trying.  Which we did.  Die, that is.

Having at last completed the training shrines, we finish up with one final jot of wisdom from the Bard: “Tired with all these, for restful death I cry.” On the latter point, we’re sure a Gleeok will soon answer our plea. 

To accompany our frustration with combat training, we choose a cocktail straight from Will himself:  the Romeo and Juliet, or in our version, the Link and Zelda. 

We acknowledge that there are various mainstream cocktails labeled Romeo and Juliet, most involving cucumber and mint. Itzal eschews the former, Demelza the latter. Like most couples, romantic or video-gaming, we compromised with something entirely different: a cocktail that reflected romance – strawberries and champagne – but that we liked the taste of, to end in a preposition, which surely Shakespeare never did!

Link Shall Return (to Hyrule)!

Ever the MacArthur figure, Link returns to Hyrule after faffing about Great Sky Island and receiving yet more vague instructions from Princess Zelda[1] and the obligatory new tools[2] to use in carrying out his orders.  “Link, you must find me,” Zelda orders (as per usual) and – bam – you’re on the quest called unimaginatively “To the Kingdom of Hyrule.”

Link being Link, he does not return in glory with a fleet of battleships and host of soldiers.  Rather, he falls from the sky nearly naked.  If he’s lucky enough on the first fall, he remembers to land in a large body of water.  If not, well, reload.

Demelza, in contrast and of course, set about returning to Hyrule with a plan, a secondary checklist, and a cocktail.  Itzal, playing with his six-year-old grandson at the time, fell to Hyrule asking, “Where the heck[3] are we?  I don’t remember any of this.”  (The grandson replied, “Hurry up and find some of those Bokoblin things so I can do all the fighting, and you just gather food.”  An inauspicious arrival for Itzal, to be sure.) 

As good a place as any to land, we offer, is Tajikats[4] shrine, next to the Riverside Stable.  Well, you’ll actually land in the Hylia River (see “lucky” above), which is basically right below the Great Sky Island and its Temple of Time.

Itzal (being Itzal and being a grandfather) began at once to faff about Hyrule looking for food, fights, and fun.  Itzal does enjoy a good faff-about. This appeased the grandson.

Zelder Tip #1 –Do not appease your grandchildren.  This is generally good advice writ large, but in the case of returning to Hyrule, GET YOURSELF TO LOOKOUT LANDING AND TALK TO PURAH AS FAST AS YOU CAN.  You’ve only got three hearts, and you don’t have the paraglider, so faffing about the area – and especially the (stupid) combat training shrines (more to come on that soon, by Jove[5]) – is a waste of time.  Get to Lookout Landing, do what everyone’s telling you, and talk to Purah.

Once you have the paraglider – yes, we know, Purah is awfully pushy and so was everyone who told you to find her – then you can explore Lookout Landing and its immediate surroundings.  (Itzal insists on calling this place “Lockdown Town,” as he has PTSD from the pandemic times, but it’s quite a nice place.)  Of import here in the Landing:  You can cook your meals and sleep for free (thus rejuvenating your paltry hearts) in the Emergency Shelter.  You can also exchange Lights of Blessing for hearts and stamina at the Goddess statue in said shelter.  You likely won’t see another statue for a while!

Zelder Tip #2 – Complete the Crisis at Hyrule Castle quest as fast as possible and GET THE PARAGLIDER, lest you forget you don’t have one because you spent the last few weeks playing BOTW.  Even a minor jump at this point will cause Link to break a leg or die outright.  When you’re done with the castle, Purah forks over the paraglider so you can start opening towers. 

Zelder Tip #3 – And speaking of stamina wheels, we found it best to get Link up to about five hearts first with blessings of light exchanges – it’s just too easy to die with only three.   Otherwise, you’ll be gathering and crunching on apples all day.  Afterward, you can focus on stamina wheels. You no longer have Revali’s Gale, and you don’t even have flight assist from a little bird you’ll meet soon, so if you’re going to go exploring (and you are), you need stamina.

Zelder Tip #4:  If you die when shooting from a Skyview Tower the first time – the paraglider doesn’t save you from all fall damage – your map will not be open; you must do it again and land safely, at least once, for the map to stay open.

After you’ve explored Lookout Landing, remember to report back to Purah, or Robbie will not leave for the Depths, which is another subject entirely but it will not be a subject at all if you do not report in to Purah.  Do not start faffing, as Itzal is prone, before your report.  Once done (correctly), Purah will then explain about “major regional phenomena” and suggest you visit Hebra’s phenom first. After hearing her out, you may faff at your leisure.

With the first quests of crisis in Hyrule behind you, and paraglider safely on board, you can begin combat shrine training, take off on the Regional Phenomena quest, or – if you are like Itzal – wile away the hours activating sky towers[6] and opening the map.  And gathering lots of apples due to that low number of hearts Link has at this point.  In fact, you might celebrate by returning to an old favorite cocktail of ours, the Appletini.

But not if your grandchildren are playing along, by gum.  Then it’s apple juice all ’round.

[1] Not to be overly judgmental, but has anyone else noticed that Zelda seems to be the cause of all Hyrule’s problems?  Messing around with Guardians in BOTW, exploring her father’s basement and awakening the Demon King in TOTK, generally leaving Link in the lurch each time she gets in trouble…

[2] We miss the runes from BOTW (particularly the Bombs), but Ascend, Fuse, Rewind, and Grabby Hands (whatever) are pretty good runners-up.

[3] Itzal’s language is less moderate when playing solo or with Demelza.

[4] The name of this shrine, it must be noted, evinces memories of the musical “Cats” as much as it does the independent state of Tajikistan which Zelders will remember as, umm, another part of the former Soviet Union.

[5] See footnote 3.

[6] Hey, that rhymes!  Since we’re quoting musicals, cue soundtrack of “Wizard of Oz” and sing along to “If I Only Had a Brain” earworm for three days.

On Old Dogs and New Playthroughs

There is an old saying to the effect that “you cannot teach an old dog new tricks.”  Being old(er) ourselves, we are a bit offended by this saying – and it should be stated for the record that we are NOT as old as the saying itself.  We have learned plenty of new tricks in recent years.  Take applying for Medicare, for example, or grocery shopping on Senior Discount Day.[1]

But when it came time to return to BOTW after our hiatus, we approached the playthrough with a sense of ennui, if some curiosity about the Switch 2 version.  Surely, we knew this game; nothing new to see here.

Oh, how wrong we were.

We are not poised to blog about color resolution or bytes per minute or what HDV configuration means for the Switch 2.  These are things of which Itzal’s gamer son speaks.  (Okay, not really those things, as we made them up, being old and not understanding tech.  But Itzal’s son did wax on and on about how much we would like the color saturation – again, perhaps not what he really said – on the new device.)  No, we are herein providing tips to things we learned that other Zelders might also have overlooked in earlier playthroughs. 

Demelza, naturally, made the first discoveries of Things We Wish We’d Learned as Younger Dogs, quickly reporting:

  • Satori Mountain is a treasure trove.  Apples galore, a respawning diamond, mushrooms of all types, Endura carrots, safflinas, luminous stone, and more.  Visit it often. How could we not have known about that respawning diamond, in particular?
  • And speaking of recurring treasure, there’s a respawning Forest Dweller’s bow in a cave a short glide from Lanayru tower. Again, how did we miss this in not one, but two earlier playthroughs?  It’s a great early game multi-shot bow.

Not to be outdone, Itzal went in search of his own treasure cave. (Okay, he stumbled upon it accidentally, but it still counts as a new neural pathway!)  “A cave on Lanayru coast easily accessible from the Tahno O’ah shrine provides excellent ores, including a diamond,” he smugly one-upped.

Hidden treasures were not the only discoveries.  Here again, it was Demelza for the win.[2]

  • A blood moon isn’t triggered by the player sitting by the fire and changing the time; it’s a reflection of amount spent actively playing.  Thus, if you’re like Itzal and assiduously avoid the night, it’s fine to make it perpetual day, in manner of Northern climes, without fear of advancing the blood moon.  We realized this while waiting to strip naked to activate the Mijah Rokee shrine. (Demelza must admit it was she who previously berated Itzal about moving the clock forward so frequently, as if he were a demented acolyte of Daylight Savings Time.)
  • We hated Stasis the first time we played; we maligned it frequently.  But when using Stasis Plus against an enemy, you can halt that enemy momentarily to get in a whack or two. Granted, it doesn’t work long against a Lynel, but it can be the difference between immediate annihilation and…later annihilation.  Works against Guardians, too, also briefly, but enough.
  • Defeating Guardian Stalkers to mine for Giant Ancient Cores isn’t difficult.[3]  Stasis Plus, an attack potion, chopping off the legs one at a time (but quickly), and then a few well-placed hacks at the end when it’s legless does the trick.  Then you need not yell at your Nintendo partner about the Giant Ancient Core left behind in Mirro Shaz shrine.
  • The treasures in shrine chests aren’t always the same.  Depending on when you complete a shrine, early in the game or late, your prize may vary from an ordinary claymore to a fancy-schmancy claymore.
  • If you have the DLC and intend to do the Trials of the Sword, there’s no advantage to delaying until you have better, upgraded armor or provisions.  If you have the hearts for it (ha ha) sooner works as well, as you’ll be stripped to your underwear anyhow.

Thematically, or perhaps the better word is operationally, we each learned to play in new ways.  Demelza has always been the hunter/gatherer of our tribe, toiling after crickets and apples, forever cooking a meal, while Itzal was the hero fighter[4] racing in to do battle. 

In our recent playthroughs, Demelza became quite the fighter (see “Defeating Guardians,” above) while Itzal learned that without Demelza to stock his larder, he had to spend time picking apples, gathering up crabs on the Lurelin beach, and bombing fish or picking bananas to be cooked into some necessary meal.  Accordingly, he has a fresh appreciation for the “sparklies” that Demelza often longed for him to pick up when he was instead keeping his eye on whatever was his prize of the moment.  Indeed, he recently chided his grandson, a budding Itzal-like hamfisted fighter, to gather the dropped armaments from defeated enemies.

And notwithstanding Demelza’s new fighting capabilities, she has greater understanding of Itzal’s “run away” strategy, which in the past dismayed her at the prospect of lost enemy goodies.  If you’re sporting an Old Shirt and brandishing a tree branch, she now concedes, it’s okay to ignore that question mark over the Lynel’s head.     

As has been stated many a time – but, hey, we old dogs tend to repeat stories (even when they are about new tricks) – Nintendo is still better with a friend. The best part of this BOTW playthrough was again being able to play together, thanks to the miracle of screen-sharing and chat, albeit nearly 500 miles apart.

[1] It’s a ten percent discount in some stores!  Ten percent!  That adds up when you’re buying game-playing snacks…erm, quality foodstuffs.

[2] Other gamers no doubt already knew these.  Thus, calling it a “win” is a stretch.  But when you’re an old dog, it can take dynamite to get an early misconception out of your head.

[3] For Demelza, that is.  Itzal still hates the idea and doesn’t “mine” much of anything.

[4] Or flailer, as it were.

Returning to Hyrule with the Switch 2

It’s been a long time since we graced these pages, we own.[1]  

Life happens.  Some people get new jobs, other people retire.  Some people travel, other people move (admittedly not as often as Itzal does).  

When last we blogged, Demelza was carrying the Zelder banner on her own, as Itzal was busy with a new job in a city far, far away.  Or at least not within easy traveling distance, as when he was a ten-minute drive from Demelza’s place.

But eventually Demelza gave it up.  We’ve always said that Nintendo is better with a friend, and without her BFF Itzal, Demelza found Nintendo wasn’t the same.  Sure, she dabbled in Disney Dreamlight Valley and some other games; and she cheated on Nintendo unashamedly with the PlayStation 5.

We died (a lot) in Elden Ring.

Indeed, if a game became available on both Nintendo and PlayStation (see: Hogwarts, a Legacy), both Demelza and Itzal[2] opted for the PlayStation version.  Why?  Did it have something to do with HDRs or 30 versus 60 fps, better video cards or some other technological whatever?  Nope.  Plain and simple: With its GameShare feature, PlayStation allowed us to play together, even 500 miles apart.  And so we did.  Bloodborne, Elden Ring, Demon Souls, Shadow of the Erdtree, NightReign, the aforementioned Hogwarts. (Which one of these is not like the other?)

But there was no Zelda game to be played on the PS5…and thus, our Hyrulean-themed blog petered out, cast off and near forgotten.

Until the Switch 2. 

For the past two months, we’ve been once again happily shouting at each other – er, playing together.  We manage to find pockets of time in between Itzal’s grandparenting and Demelza’s spouse’s desire for non-videogaming company. 

The Switch 2’s chat and share-screen features are not the same as the PS5’s.  At risk of offending Nintendo (but they haven’t sponsored this blog, after all), we declare the PS5’s companion options superior.  On the Switch 2, it’s taken us a while to get used to our respective voices emanating not from our controllers, as they do with PS5, but from our televisions.  Inevitably, also, we spend five minutes remembering how to start a chat, join a chat, share a screen. And the latter feature is decidedly touchy when it comes to Itzal’s internet connection.  

And yet it works.

We decided to replay Breath of the Wild, each of us on our own console.  Much of the game was played solo, but many other days we logged on and encouraged the other.  

Our readers will recall that Demelza has little sense of direction.  Okay, zero, unless you count that she’s always 100 percent wrong, and thus, in a way, she’s correct in her choice of direction provided she goes the opposite of her inclination.  Accordingly, Itzal would attempt a Divine Beast first, with Demelza offering tidbits of advice[3] and commiseration; when he finished, Demelza had the benefit of his excellent sense of direction and recall to tackle the same beast.

We both finished BOTW in what passes for us as record time – six or seven weeks, including the Champion’s Ballad.  In contrast, during our first venture in BOTW, when we were playing during the pandemic, nine months passed before we stormed the castle.  And we didn’t do the Champion’s Ballad until much later.

We learned a few things in our recent Switch 2 playthrough, about the new console, about BOTW, about ourselves.  More about that later (maybe).  

Do we intend to continue, in these pages, our journey through Tears of the Kingdom?  Again, maybe.  We’re thinking.  We’re mulling.  

Drunk Guardian drinking Mai Tai.

Being cognizant of our declining attention spans, even as our aging brains are no longer cognizant of as many things as they once were, we make no promises.  But in the meantime, the better to mull, we’re sipping one of our favorite BOTW cocktails:  a Mai Tai. 

Please join us.  

Because Mai Tais, like Nintendo, are better enjoyed with a friend. 

[1] An archaic turn of phrase meaning “we acknowledge the facts of the matter.”  We do love a good archaicism. But in this case, it’s also an admission that we own up to having abandoned this blog.

And while we’re owning up to things, let it be noted that this post’s featured image was created by Open AI. It all happened very suddenly. Demelza was at her computer, pondering what to use as an image, perusing her WordPress media library for inspiration and wondering whether she might use something from an old post, when lo, a suggestion popped up, akin to, “Hey, instead of recycling old photos like a Luddite, join the modern era and create one with AI. You know, a lot has happened in the two years since you stopped blogging. Maybe if you lay off the cocktails you’ll get up to speed before the next two years pass.” We note for the record that AI is very talented but kind of snarky. We’re surprised it didn’t ask us if we’d gained weight. Er… (Btw, we assert that the pictured Zelda and Link are of drinking age, being ten thousand years old or similar. If you are not 10,000 years old, or at least 21, please do not drink any Mai Tais.)

[2] Itzal, it should be noted, has since retired and took up playing video games alone.

[3] Itzal might characterize “tidbits” as more akin to shouted lengthy instructions on how to build a nuclear reactor, but we digress.

Rauru’s Blessing (Not)

In Breath of the Wild, we both loved and loathed blessing shrines.  We loved them because Link waltzed in, opened a chest with some coveted item, and received a spirit orb without having to fight enemies, solve a puzzle, or do anything other than be Link.  But we also loathed them because we knew a blessing was bestowed only after we’d battled enemy hordes or completed complicated quests or both, such that even the game’s designers felt sorry for us and didn’t ask for more.  Our poster child for blessing shrines we loathed in BOTW was Eventide Island, the last shrine we completed.  

Now THIS is a blessing shrine.

It’s different in Tears of the Kingdom.  There are more shrines overall in this game, true, but the ratio of blessing shrines to regular ones is more favorable.  In addition, some of the blessing shrines feel less bless-worthy.  

We offer as example the Otutsum shrine, to which one can simply sail from the Gerudo Highlands Skyview Tower, drop on its doorstep (with sufficient stamina), and activate the portal. Mind you, in these easier shrines we still grab the chest and the light of blessing and are grateful for same; yet we often feel as if we’re cheating.  Indeed, as shown in the associated video, a star fragment also dropped to our feet, de trop!  

Then there’s the occasional shrine that ought to be a blessing, but – isn’t.  Here, we offer as example the High Spring and Light Rings quest.  

To initiate this quest, one first speaks to Nazbi near the Lanayru Skyview Tower.   After his cryptic clue, one is inspired to shoot out of the tower and look down for a small sky island in the Lanayru Sky Archipelago.   

On said sky island, one next interacts with a stone half-circle thingy (not its actual name), which, in turn, activates a green light, which must definitely be a Light Ring, at the end of a ramp on the island.  What’s a Link to do?  Why, jump through, of course!   

Upon jumping through, a spark of light plummets to the ground and, of course, Link must plummet also. But if Link does not have on his upgraded Glide Armor, because it is, after all, cold on the sky island and thus he’s likely wearing his long underwear, he may very well go SPLAT as he chases after the light without being cognizant of the ground below.  This happened to Demelza perhaps a couple of times.  Perhaps three or four. Eventually, she figured out that plummeting straight down in the inky dark night resulted in death.  

Zelder Tip #1:  Don’t attempt this quest in the inky dark night.  Be a morning person.  

(Old-fashioned sound of record being rewound.  In truth, a save point was loaded.)  

Next, Demelza tried eating a cold resistance meal[1] and switching out the Snowquill armor for upgraded Glide Armor.  (Please note that the path to getting the Glide Armor is itself worthy of a blessing.)

The cold resistance-glide armor combination worked well in preventing SPLAT.  Unfortunately, she then realized that by going straight down in hot pursuit of the light, one may get ahead of the light and undershoot the location of the green ring that Link needs to go through.  Reaching that ring is a long slog in snow, if one has not shelled out for snow boots, and even then….  

Clever Reader will have figured out, likely well before Demelza did, that shield-surfing rather than slogging was called for.  Now, we are not very skilled at shield-surfing.  In fact, Demelza, who ironically had recently declined Selmie’s offer of lessons, had to research how to shield surf.  For those who have also not graduated Selmie’s school of shield-surfing, the process involves holding ZL to pull out one’s shield, then pushing X to jump, followed swiftly by A to surf. Easy, right?

We are Zelders.  We do not handle well such intricate controller tasks, particularly when there’s a timer relentlessly counting down.   

Demelza dove off that sky island many, many times.  She often landed on a nearby cliff, which precluded any attempt at shield-surfing; she occasionally made a good landing, pulled out the shield, but forgot the proper button combo so the green ring flickered out before she’d begun to surf.  As she, um, improved, she made it through a couple of rings, then three.  On one attempt, certain she had to have gone through the last ring, she jumped off her shield excitedly only to discover it was not, in fact, the final ring.  

Zelder Tip #2:  Do not stop surfing until a cut scene ensues.  

Sometime after the tenth sixteenth twenty-third attempt, Demelza happened to notice, off to the side of the stone half-circle thingy (still not its actual name), some shiny objects.  Now, there is nothing Demelza loves more than a shiny thing. Heedless of her cold resistance ticking down, she went to investigate.  Zonai shields!!!  Harrumph.  If only she had noticed these in the beginning, she would not have wasted so much time trying to waddle through the snow to the first green ring on the ground!  She would have known at the outset that the shields were a clue!  

Naturally, Demelza already carried a long-suffering shield.   But – wait – there was something else there, larger than the Zonai shields: a shield sled.  Why was this not disclosed?? Why was this not listed among our assets?  

Zelder Tip #3:  If you’re having trouble surfing with a regular shield, try the shield sled.  Demelza successfully ran through all the rings on the first attempt after equipping the shield sled.  

Success!!!   Zakusu Shrine rose from the air/ground/whatever!!!  

At the same time, a chime sounded, which will likely not happen in your game unless you also happen to be doing laundry.  

Demelza set down her controller and went to put sheets in the dryer.  She returned to a dreadful sound:  that horrible “you’re under attack” panicky music.  Gah!!!!  She’d forgotten to pause the game!  

We are here to tell you that yes, there are enemies around the Zakusu Shrine, and they will find you, or rather, your Link-self, if you wander off without first hitting save and pause.  

Fortunately, Tulin, Yunobo, et al, had been defending Demelza-as-Link while she was away.  Whew!  She finished off a foe and then headed into the shrine to claim her well-deserved prize.  

Which was not a blessing.  

Nope, after all that, Zakusu stripped Link to his underwear and challenged him to prove himself. (Really?  We can’t prove ourselves while fully clothed?  We haven’t ALREADY proven ourselves just getting here?)  What’s more, the laundry episode had cost Demelza/Link a number of hearts, and she was not going to battle constructs with depleted health!  

And thus it was off to Link’s compound in Tarrey Town, where the shield sled was retired to a place of honor and Demelza/Link slept off the laundry damage.  

After a suitable interval, Demelza returned to Zakusu shrine and made short work of the constructs inside.   

And then it hit her:  SHE DID NOT HAVE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF THE FINAL SUCCESSFUL SURFING RUN.  There had been no one on the sofa next to her shouting “screen shot!” or “take a video!”  Instead, the washing machine bell had chimed!  

Well.  Did Demelza return to her previous save point in order to recreate her slalom prowess, all for the sake of a video for this post?  By damned, she did not.   

And, the curious reader might ask, what of Itzal?  Oh, he gave up on this quest after a mere five tries waddling through the snow.  The shield surfing/sledding never occurred to him until reading this blog.  Now armed with Zelder tips, he shall try again!  

After finishing his laundry.

[1] Arguably, you’ll run out of time before you run out of hearts; thus, Demelza’s cold resistance meal was comforting, if ultimately unnecessary.