We have often remarked that Nintendo is better with a friend. Itzal and Demelza typically play Legend of Zelda games together, the exception being Demelza’s solitary and oft-repeated tasks of hunting and gathering supplies and cooking useful recipes in Breath of the Wild. Skyward Sword HD has been attempted only as a duo. Yet we play Animal Crossing New Horizons separately. And we cannot claim that Itzal and Demelza drink only when together. (Cough cough.)
Thus, one would expect that Itzal could survive quite nicely on his own when Demelza and her spouse take their long-delayed-by-the-pandemic vacations abroad.
One would be wrong in that expectation.
In June, the Intrepid Demelzans navigated the constantly changing, occasionally bewildering patchwork of domestic and international rules of COVID travel protocols for a bicycle tour of Croatia. (Itzal, who last rode a bicycle sometime during the Carter Administration – and crashed when he did so – feels that Demelza and spouse do not understand the meaning of the word “vacation,” but that is an opinion best left off the Internet.)
At first, Itzal managed to be on his own without too much boredom. Although Demelza had not left Itzal with a sword per se in BOTW, he was allowed to hunt and gather crickets solo during the blog-worthy playthrough of that game. And he was assigned the chore of publishing previously prepared, Demelza-approved blog posts whilst she was away on holiday.
Quickly bored with these limitations, however, Itzal illegally visited BOTW’s Ridgeland Tower and, having conquered some annoying electric Wizzrobes, retrieved a weapon or two he promptly forgot about, followed by no small amount of sashaying around Hyrule and perhaps the loss of a few items (Itzal claims he cannot remember this, any more than he remembers the weapons he found). Many’s the scolding that spewed forth when Demelza returned from vacation, all sung to the tune of “I can’t believe you did that without me” with a chorus of “Now you know how tedious it is to hunt crickets and make all the meals while slaving over a campfire.”
Chastened, Itzal promised not to venture out on his own again – a pledge that came home to roost when the Demelzans took another European Bicycle Vacation, this time to Portugal, at the end of September and dragging (for Itzal) into early October. There were still posts assigned for publication, but there was no authorized Skyward Sword playtime to beckon Itzal into the friendly skies.
At first, Animal Crossing was enough of a distraction. Fruits and pumpkins yearned to be harvested. The game’s algorithm rolled into autumn, meaning pinecones and acorns could be gathered. And when Demelza announced before leaving on vacation that she had achieved the Gold Trophy from the island HOA for her home design, Itzal spent an inordinate amount of time attempting to upgrade his avatar’s home design.
Two days later, Itzal announced – to no one, being alone – that he was bored with his Animal Crossing house and hated the island’s HOA.
Champagne for breakfast came next. This seems innocuous, Noel Coward-like behavior, but Itzal does have a small consulting business that requires the occasional Zoom call, so too much early morning Champagne is a bad idea. This became clear sometime around Day Five. Itzal may or may not have an even smaller consulting business as a result.
Day Six, Itzal downloads an old Zelda favorite, Link to the Past.
Day Seven, Itzal decides the graphics from the past are crap.
Day Eight, Itzal briefly considers breaking into Demelza’s house and stealing her Switch console and/or the Skyward Sword game card.
Day Nine, a brief experimentation with crème de menthe liqueur offers a respite from boredom. Demelza loathes mint, so this was Itzal’s chance to craft a new cocktail. It turns out he loathes crème de menthe. Go figure.
Days Ten through Thirteen, no memory. (See “cocktail experimentation” above.) We know only that an imaginary pandemic swept through Itzal’s Animal Crossing island when he learned how to make Western tombstones and built a graveyard next to Resident Services in protest of All Things Nintendo.
And here we are.
Itzal has ceased showering and Whole Foods has run out of charcuterie and cheese snackage. The drinks cabinet is bare. And things are fast approaching that old Charlie Brown cartoon, paraphrased as “Come home, Demelza, come home!” It really is dangerous to go alone…