What happens in video games, like what happens in real life, is not always fair, if by “fair” one means having a sporting chance. Listen, we get a good challenge. What we don’t get are ridiculous, discouraging tasks that, we suspect, offer little purpose other than for game designers to show off their cleverness.
You know the kind of trial we’re talking about – game sections that make you want to hang up your console. In fact, just this week we learned a new term: rage quit. We weren’t unfamiliar with what the term describes, however; it’s the point at which we swear at the television, throw down the controllers, and retreat to the kitchen to devour a bag of chips in frustration. We whinge that this is not fun. We declare that we play to relax, and this is not relaxing. And then we grouse about video game designers being mean-spirited churls (which is redundant, but deserved) or outright sadists.
Before you raise your hand to object that challenges serve the purpose of training up the player to continue on to still greater challenges – nope, we understand that. You get a new bow and arrow, you gotta learn how to use it, lest you shoot your eye out, kid.
But. Sneaking behind Oaki in the Lost Woods? Losing all your equipment on Eventide Island? The second golf game in Mirro Shaz? Not to mention the Yiga Clan Hideout?
After this week’s play, however, we grudgingly acknowledge that at least in those frustrating trials, you could walk away and do something else for a while. With apologies to Robert Frost, there was always a road untraveled somewhere in BOTW’s Hyrule, and that made all the difference. Indeed, we could have chosen to skip a given task or a quest. True, we wouldn’t have finished all 120 shrines and earned the Armor of the Wild. We would have lost out on a coveted Giant Ancient Core at Mirro Shaz. And, in the final example above, we would have entered Hyrule Castle with one Divine Beast still fettered before the battle with Calamity Ganon. Nonetheless. It could have been done. We could have finished the game, if not as stylishly as we would have liked.
BUT FOR PETE’S SAKE OR SOME OTHER MORE COLORFUL SAKE – what is the %!^&*!!# point of the Spiral Charge tutorial in Skyward Sword? Sure, the Spiral Charge is needed to free the Great Spirit of the Skies Levias from an evil parasite, and sure, mastering the charge would be helpful to that effort. But to require the player to hit 10 tiny targets during 120 seconds while riding a Loftwing or never be able to proceed – we submit that that is simply mean-spirited and churlish. (As long as we’re being redundant, we’re going to repeat ourselves.)
In short, making the tutorial’s completion mandatory is unnecessary. Let us practice, fine, then send us on our way, and if it takes us two hours to spiral-charge the eye thingies on Levias because we haven’t grasped the skill, that’s on us. But give us the chance.
After a frustrating hour (or so), Itzal declared himself done with the tutorial. We considered the possibility that our Skyward Sword posts would have to end, too. We’d slink off in a huff and wait for BOTW2.
However, there’s always the Internet and research. Grimly, Demelza gathered several suggestions: Don’t race, instead fly slowly and deliberately toward the targets; use the spiral charge at the very last moment; ignore the targets on birds and focus on those on rocks; switch to button controls instead of motion controls. Consider those Zelder tips, and feel free to use them.
But Demelza saw Itzal’s handwriting on the wall, so she was looking not just for tips, but for a cheat. After snorting her way through various online forums in which others complained, in brutal and often colorful language, about the Spiral Charge’s difficulty and how it caused them to “rage quit,” we eventually found a trick we deemed worthy of trying.
Demelza: This says to quit the training tutorial and go to another loading zone.
Itzal: Loading zone? You mean one of those ledges that Link leaps off to call the Loftwing?
Demelza (dubiously): Maybe. But it sounds more like a short-term parking place where you’re allowed to pick up or drop off passengers.
(Time ensues, during which we learn that a loading zone is neither a Loftwing ledge nor a place to pick up passengers. A loading zone is an area, where, er, the game loads. We think of it as catching up the game with the player’s movement on screen. This should not be confused with what it actually is.)
To make this long, whiny story slightly less long, if no less whiny: We managed the cheat. We credit zeldaspeedruns.com,[1] which in turn notes the cheat was discovered by SVA. SVA, whoever you are, we salute you. We do, however, revise (or amplify) your instructions below for older gamers who might otherwise still be looking for ride-shares or bus stops in Skyloft.
Spiral Charge Cheat
Important information first: You’re going to need to die, folks. For the cheat to work, start with no more than one heart. Perhaps some players can die handily with two hearts or one and a half, but in our case, we tried with a heart and change and the game, charitable for once, decided to save us. So one heart it was. We went to Lanayru’s desert and ran into a cactus for a hilarious few minutes watching our hearts trickle away. And now to the cheat:
- With (just the one) heart in hand, begin the tutorial with Owlan. He gives you the Spiral Charge ability and invites you to dash off the ledge.
- Instead, turn and walk away. You’ll be stopped by an indignant Owlan, who wants to know where you’re going with that Spiral Charge you haven’t yet earned. Tell him you give up. Seriously, you want the screen that allows you to choose “I give up.” (Apparently even Link rage quits now and again.) At this point, Owlan repossesses the Spiral Charge.
- Run toward the nearby Water Cave. Go inside the Water Cave. This is a loading zone. Wait a moment to be sure that everything’s, you know, loaded.
- Leave the Water Cave and return to talk to Owlan. Tell him you’re up for another try. He gives you back the Spiral Charge ability.
- But instead of jumping off the wooden pier, place a bomb near the corner of the pier and face it with your back to the sky. Wait for the bomb to explode. When it does, if you’re lucky, you’ll fall backward, dead, into the sky, resulting in a Game Over screen. (We weren’t so “lucky” the first time; we landed in an ignominious heap next to Owlan.) When prompted on screen, choose to continue adventuring.
- If successful, you’ll respawn on Skyloft away from Owlan, near the Water Cave. Look around and up, where you’ll spot a nearby sky island with some greenery on it. Use the Clawshots to get atop that island, then look for another, higher island nearby. (Watch the video on zeldaspeedruns.com, if you’re uncertain where you’re headed.) Run off that highest island, call your Loftwing, check that you have the Spiral Charge, then go in search of pumpkin soup for the Great Spirit of the Skies Levias.
On the day we undertook the Spiral Charge tutorial, we expected to fly through the Thunderhead, speak to Levias, and make short work of his resident parasite Bilocyte. We thought a Hurricane cocktail would nicely complement the Thunderhead. In the end, because of the idiot tutorial, we took two days to finish off Bilocyte, so we’ll have another drink for that post (as we did in real life, if it needs saying). But although we didn’t ride to the Great Spirit’s rescue the day we drank Hurricanes, we sure as heck felt as if we’d been through a tempest, so our recommended cocktail remains. And we raised our glasses to SVA for saving us from an epic rage quit.
[1] https://www.zeldaspeedruns.com/sshd/area/skyloft