Back in the (our) day, debaters and others of similar argumentative bent were prone to quote Webster’s, as if quoting a dictionary validated one’s point, however weak. Hence, we consult the dictionary as Link finds himself facing the boss of the Ancient Cistern dungeon – the Ancient Automaton. What does that bring to mind? Ancient: stones, sticks, lack of indoor plumbing. Automaton: a machine, more technologically advanced than the aforementioned sticks and stones and capable of doing, well, something. And that brings us to: oxymoron. An oxymoron is generally a contradiction in terms, like the phrase “less is more.” Thus, we submit, Ancient Automaton is an oxymoron.
Apparently, however, Ancient Hyrule or whatever it was in the Skyward Sword past, is like Wakanda of Marvel fame: appearances to the contrary aside, they’ve got the whole technology thing down. Mind you, it doesn’t always work as planned; See: Guardians, BOTW; See: Divine Beasts, BOTW; and See: apparently, the Ancient Automaton, SSHD. In Hyrule, technology has a way of going awry.
But, as we frequently do, we get ahead of ourselves.
Previously on Skyward Sword, Link had retrieved the Blessed Idol in the Ancient Cistern. The idol resembles the statue he had been traipsing around in that area, but even without such an obvious clue, it was apparent we were going to need to slot this idol into a Tetris-like keyhole to open the door to the final dungeon where the boss awaits.
The Ancient Automaton Koloktos is a golden, multi-armed, Buddha-like figure with none of Buddha’s good points. Existence is suffering, indeed, but there’s little indication he intends to inspire Nirvana. In short, the Automaton wants to kill you.
As with most dungeons, what went before is intended to prepare you for what’s coming. Earlier in the Ancient Cistern, you fought a many-armed Stalmaster and, after that battle, you earned and learned to use the Whip. This dungeon boss has even more arms than the Stalmaster: two to throw weapons at Link from a distance; two to fight Link when he’s in closer range (the melee arms); and two to protect his weak point, which is his chest plate. Further, all that Whip practice now comes into play as you use it to rip the arms off Koloktos. (Somehow, that sounds a lot more violent than it seemed at the time.)
Pulling the golden one’s arms off serves three purposes: First, every severed appendage is one less arm that the boss can use to attack Link. Second, if you remove the so-called melee arms, which he typically uses for up-close wet work on poor Link, Koloktos is forced to raise the arms that guard his chest plate. When he does, race forward and attack his weak spot with all your might. (Once we managed to bring down one of the arms guarding his chest plate before we did the melee arms. We are not sure this served much purpose, but we found it an interesting accident). And the third reason for arm-pulling: You must do so to progress from stage one of the battle to stage two and ultimately, stage three.
Zelder Tip #1: The pillars in the room provide zero protection. ZEE-ro. Don’t bother cowering behind them – run around! Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!
In the first stage of the fight, Koloktos is stationary. That is, his lower half is. His upper half and all its many arms are anything but still. When you’re ready to get his attention, step closer and taunt him; he’ll attack and maybe you’ll lose a heart, but he will also smash his arms into the ground, and that’s when you use your Whip to great arm-ripping effect. Slash the golden arms off, then strike at the heart of the matter. When Koloktos reassembles his arms, prepare to repeat your efforts.
In the second phase of the battle, Koloktos is pissed off. (Before, apparently, he was merely annoyed.) Now, he stands up and starts waddling around. Hmmmm, in point of fact, he doesn’t waddle, he charges. And all the time his many arms are throwing and slashing and – you get the picture. In this stage, you’ll really want to steer clear of the pillars. Where before they were simply ineffective cover, the pillars now can be used by Koloktos to damage you directly. At a certain point, the boss will get his arms stuck in the ground again, and that’s your clue to tear the arms right off. When you do, you can pick up and use his own sword against him; indeed, you must strike him with his own sword to defeat him. Slash at his arms, his legs, what have you. Eventually, you’ll be free to go after his chest.
Unlike Humpty-Dumpty, and not nearly so fragile, Koloktos will reassemble himself and you’ll need to do the whole thing all over again until at last he gets really, really mad (he has anger management issues, does Koloktos, moving up the scale of ire). In this third phase of the battle, Koloktos goes sort of berserk and swings his swords all over the place. Thing is, you don’t want to be in the place. Avoid the berserker as much as possible, and strike as you can to tear off arms, cut off legs, and steal his giant sword to slash at his chest.
Possible Zelder Tip #2: After we defeated Koloktos – damn, guess we buried the lede – we ran around with the Automaton’s giant sword and sliced the arena’s pillars, since they’d been so unhelpful during the fight. And really, Itzal just wanted to carry that giant sword around. (There’s a joke here, but we’re not going there.) Anyhow, when slashed, the pillars crumbled and released hearts. Makes us wonder if we could have slashed pillars during the battle royale to gather up some badly needed hearts. Say, readers, give that a go and let us know if it works, eh? Ourselves, we had to go back to Skyloft a couple of times to purchase heart potions before we finally beat the boss. And that brings us to our suggested drink of the day: A Cherry Heering Heart Potion. We Zelders needed its liquid courage nearly as much as Link needed hearts.
Apres Le Battle
In all the excitement, and perhaps some victorious pillar crushing, don’t forget to snag your new heart container. Then head out the door and Skyward Strike the altar there. Much cutscene drama, narrated by a figure-skating Fi, will ensue, resulting in Link’s Goddess Sword getting an upgrade to the Goddess Longsword.
Perhaps someone knew about Itzal’s fascination with the, umm, size of the Ancient Automaton’s blade. . .