Fear not, Gentle Reader. For all that we may well be codgers, Itzal and Demelza have not quarreled and called an end to our blog. Rather, the title of this entry relates to a side quest in Tears of the Kingdom, one we recommend for its relative ease AND the end result (better shopping!).
But first, an explanation.
We cannot admit to being overly fond of the sheer number of the side quests[1] routinely proffered by the designers of Zelda games. (Main quests and shrine quests are quite enough, thank you!) Indeed, this space is filled with our whining and whinging over the chores regularly assigned to poor Link. We often run the other direction when an NPC appears with a red dot and urgent little exclamation point over its head, knowing we’re about to be distracted from keeping our eye on the prize (whatever that prize might be). Itzal, in particular, hates these chores and side quests. Demelza, it must be admitted, is a much harder worker.
Thus, in our second playthroughs of Tears of the Kingdom, we’ve left a lot of side quests un-quested. Sure, we might open them – actually talk to the characters with those bloody red dots – but more often than not we leave them fallow.
One such long-suffering in its not being noticed quest involved two Codgers in Kakariko Village. (We’ve largely ignored Kakariko entirely this playthrough, if we’re being honest.) But ultimately, the name of this quest alone offered some real attraction to these two old codgers, so we gave it a look-see.
Trissa at the general store is whining (get in line, Trissa!) about the dearth of items for sale, explaining that two old codgers, Steen and Olkin, have set to arguing over how to defeat monsters rather than doing their jobs of stocking the general store. Steen and Olkin, the Statler and Waldorf[2] of Kakariko, are to be found near one of the Rings that’s recently – well, not so very recently in our case, since we avoided this quest for a long time – fallen from the sky. Link, of course, must help – that is, do all the work – to rid the area of monsters.
The quest was simple, particularly because Link had a lot of hearts and stamina by the time we met the codgers in question. Off we went.
Steen and Olkin are not in trouble, or in a cage, which seems to go with the whole monster motif. They’re just quarreling, standing around, arguing about who does all the work in the right way. Reminds us of a couple old players we know. To wit: “You should fuse something to that broadsword!” “I’m rather run away!” “Gather those mushrooms, please!” “Eye on the prize, dammit!”
Indeed, if Steen and Olkin had been holding a cocktail, we’d have felt so “seen” and humbled. (They were not.) We’d have liked it more if they argued more vociferously or at least humorously, but such was not to be. But done is done, and this quest was soon behind even us.
Zelder Tip #1 – if you’ve secured Princess Rito and her electroshock therapy sage power, it works wonders on the monsters and leaves you above the fray on the Ring walls.
Zelder Tip #2 – this is a prime opportunity to use a fused rocket shield[3] to gain elevation to those Ring walls, and even to reach the Ring if your Link avatar is feeling tired and lazy about the hike.
When you’re done, return to the Kakariko general store and buy something besides the one (1) egg that poor Trissa has been hawking since the game began. Then enjoy a cool refreshing old person’s drink, the Dubonnet and Gin, rumored to have been a favorite of the late Queen Elizabeth II, a codger if ever there was one.
[1] Not to be confused with “side adventures” which are a more-dressed-up sort of chore for Link, who’s kept as busy as the proverbial one-armed wallpaper hanger, we swear!
[2] This is a Muppet Show reference for any younger gentle readers. If you don’t know who the Muppets are, you’re reading the wrong blog.
[3] Itzal wishes to note that he is only a recent convert to the fused rocket shield, and indeed fusing in general, while Demelza (who apparently owns stock in Fuse, Inc.) is always fusing this and that while codger- quarreling with Itzal about how he needs to fuse a lot more things to a lot more things. Ahem, you can guess which codger is which in our not-so-imaginary quarrel above.