Some while ago, after downloading the BOTW expansion pack, we set about to obtain the Master Cycle Zero, which, we submit, sounds a lot like a piece of exercise equipment that we avoid in real life. But Itzal hankered for this motorcycle. And since he had been understanding (if impatient) of Demelza’s desire to have a complete closet of upgraded armor and jewelry for Link, she indulged his hankering. To acquire the Master Cycle Zero required the following, in summary:
- Returning to the Shrine of Resurrection[1] for the One-Hit Obliterator, which left us with a fragile quarter-heart, to infiltrate and clear enemy camps surrounding the future locations of four new shrines on the Great Plateau;
- Spending several discouraging and frustrating days, albeit not consecutive ones, in Rohta Chigah, one of the aforementioned new shrines, still with our mere quarter-heart, since the Obliterator could not be ditched at this point in the quest;
- Watching with satisfaction when finally the blasted One-Hit Obliterator split into four pieces and careened across Hyrule, creating, when those shards landed, four pedestals in the home regions of Hyrule’s Champions;
- Visiting each pedestal to peer intently at its surrounding pillars that (ostensibly) offered clues to the locations of three additional shrines associated with the regional Champion in question, then activating and solving these shrines;
- Reprising our original fights with Windblight, Fireblight, Waterblight, and Thunderblight Ganons, this time in a so-called Illusory Realm, with limited armor and only meager foodstuffs; and finally
- Proudly and eagerly returning to the Shrine of Resurrection to claim the Master Cycle Zero – only to learn that we had a new Divine Beast to liberate.
Yes, you heard that right. After all the steps above, we still had no motorcycle nor even a piece of exercise equipment, which at this point we might have taken instead just to be done with the Champions’ Ballad.[2]
Instead, Monk Maz Koshia allowed as how we might just have the right stuff to be a hero. But to prove our worth, first we would have to enter another of those torture chambers of rotating cylinders and terminals and things that wanted to kill us, if we didn’t kill ourselves first. (We do that, occasionally.)
There’s no official name for this fifth Divine Beast wannabe, like Vah Ruta or Vah Naboris or such. In keeping with our expected prize, we’ll dub it Vah Motoh. (Vah Zero sounds almost normal.)
Vah Motoh is a best-of Beast. Or rather, a worst-of. Whatever you hated in the original four Divine Beasts will be here, too. There’s a lava-themed wing; an electric one; a windy section; and a water wing. We’ll discuss each briefly, both because we don’t care to remember them in great detail and, you know, we don’t remember them in great detail, a month having transpired since we entered Vah Motoh.
Zelder Tip #1: If it’s been a while since you freed the last Divine Beast, review the steps: When you enter the beast, you must locate a map, in this case, called the Guidance Stone. We snort at this, because honestly, who thinks it provides that much guidance? However, activating the map also enables you to rotate the articulated beast using the right analog stick, which in turn enables you to become hopelessly and frustratingly lost. Remember also that there will be so-called “terminals” that must be activated; these are designated by orange circles on the map. Vah Motoh has four such terminals, one in each of its wings.
The previous Divine Beasts had their individual shticks and quirks. There was the elephant trunk to move up and down in Vah Ruta; in Vah Naboris, one had three circular segments of the main room that could be rotated. Et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum. In Vah Motoh’s case, there will be cogwheels that can be turned one direction or another, said directions denoted by a color (either orange or blue) both on the map and on associated equipment in the beast.
Zelder Tip #2: Ignore the treasure chests. They contain regionally-themed weapons and shields, but do you care? You’re after the motorcycle, remember? (Okay, there was one diamond. We won’t make fun of you for going after that.)
When you enter the beast, Vah Motoh’s Guidance Stone is straight ahead with a few Guardians blocking easy access. Take out the Guardians, activate the stone, set the cogwheels in motion, and prepare to venture into the four wings of Vah Motoh, described below.
Our complaint and disclaimer
But first hear, oh Reader, our Zelder Complaint: When we played BOTW’s main game, we frequently lamented in shrines, and definitely whilst in Divine Beasts, “who does this without a guide?”
It’s true the player gets minimal direction on the mapscreen or from obscure clues offered by NPCs or in discovered diaries or ancient runes, but honestly, who would out of the blue THINK: “Oh, my, here are these cogwheels, they must need to be turned, and surely in this room they should be turning in the orange direction, and oh yes, over there I spy a piece of metal that is somehow different from every other piece of metal in this room, clearly I must use Magnesis on it to slot it into that other piece of metal that looks like every other piece of metal in this room, so that the entire round wall over there will rotate and I can step through one of its spokes…” Belatedly, we tip our hats to those who have gone before us, leaving detailed instruction on the Internet! If not for you, we’d probably still be on the Great Plateau, wielding a tree branch in our underwear.
In short, we cheated, if by cheating one means acknowledging there’s no way to do this on one’s own in a timely fashion, unless said one were stranded on a electric-socket-equipped desert island with naught else to do but meander a Divine Beast for weeks or years on end. For those who don’t have a physical guidebook, we recommend consulting one of the excellent Internet resources such as zeldadungeon.net. Us? We’re here to recap and provide some comic relief.
Electric Wing
But anyhow. Back to the electric wing, which delights are foreshadowed by the complaint above. Set the cogwheels in the blue direction. Then use Magnesis to move metal pieces and whatnots and set things to rotating and creating electric flows.
When, after frequent consultation with the blasted Guidance Stone map, you’ve managed to open the way to the terminal, activate it and be glad it’s over. Return to the main chamber, where Guardians have also returned (naturally).
Lava Wing
After dispatching the Guardian Scouts, set the cogwheels to orange. Orange for lava, get it? But they’re not going to stay orange throughout the entire wing, so don’t get complacent. Next, don your upgraded Flamebreaker armor. Then consult your guidebook or website (we being neither, as evidenced by the complaint and disclaimer above) and set about moving cogwheels again, as per the Guidance Stone and your map, to locate, access, and activate the terminal.
Wind Wing
Back in the main chamber, a Guardian Turret is now poised to make Link’s life miserable. To state the obvious, but it’s at least one thing we remember well (and we’re otherwise short on both memory of, and advice regarding, this beast), shoot its eye out.
But don’t linger; head to the room on the right. There’s a treasure chest on a ledge, viewable after climbing to the top of a ladder in this room. Despite our earlier comment about ignoring chests, this one is valuable not because of the bomb arrows it contains, but because its ledge is also the location of a metal piece which you need to move up and insert into a cogwheel, then use more Magnesis to move it into position and start the wind wing. As before, use the Guidance Stone map, rotate directions, and generally fumble about using your runes until you access and activate the terminal. Honestly, we’re useless here.
Back to the main room. Enemies…let’s see. We started with Guardian Scouts, more Guardian Scouts, and then a Guardian Turret. What’s left? Why, a Guardian Skywatcher, of course! We used Ancient Arrows against it, and we do not apologize for same.
Water Wing
In the water wing, you’ll be using Stasis, Magnesis, and, no surprise in a watery environment, Cryonis. Start with the cogwheel set to orange, but note that you’ll change the cogwheels back to blue early in the wing. Then use the Guidance Stone (or a teenager) to find and activate the terminal. We really have no memory of this, although our guidebook assures us we did use Cryonis to create an ice block under a pressure switch and later to get to the terminal; Stasis to pause a water faucet while we bashed on it to change its direction because why not; and Magnesis to grab a metal orb for use in a launcher that hits a faucet causing the room to fill with water.
Finale
Once all the terminals are activated – see video to the right for proof that we made it, notwithstanding all our cheating – there’s a final altar. Our guidebook advised against approaching the altar unless we were ready, as doing so “triggers the closing boss battle of the Champions’ Ballad.”
We weren’t ready. We left.
[1] One must also have freed all Divine Beasts in the original game. Mentioning that seemed self-aggrandizing, however. And we have aggrandized enough.
[2] It is a good thing Itzal did not know this before we embarked on this adventure. Demelza did know, but she has learned that the best way to get Itzal to do something long and complicated is to bread-crumb him along, offering information only as necessary.